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Hellboy II is the cinematic equivalent of the buffet at Godfather's Pizza.  Have you been to one lately?  It's filled to the brim with pizza, ice cream, cinnamon breadsticks, spaghetti, pie, and soft drinks.  It's a smorgasbord of delicious little treats that have no business comprising a full meal, but it's a symphony for your taste buds, even if it renders you and your bowels regretful hours later.

The first film was similarly confectionary, but it had a more fluid story: the villain Rasputin wanted Hellboy so he could bring about the end of the world.  It spoke directly to the essential conflict of Hellboy: he's a beast from beyond who's sworn himself to defend against the kind of evil he is destined to become.  This film has some echoes of that theme, and, indeed, the best scene in Hellboy II involves the truly creepy Angel of Death, who takes great pleasure in reminding the protagonists of that essential contradiction.

The rest of the film, however, has little interest in that conflict, instead oscillating wildly between sitcom tradition, light fantasy, ecological portent, and balls-to-the-wall action.  It's an uneasy mix, and some ideas get lost in the shuffle.  For example, Hellboy (Ron Perlman) essentially "outs" the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD) to the modern world, and what is the response?  A couple of pedestrians call him ugly.

Maybe it's because there's so much damn movie left in the movie.  Hellboy II's main plot involves fairy prince Nuada (Luke Goss) reprimanding humanity for its greed and planetary destruction.  His plan?  Summon the Golden Army, clockwork soldiers from pre-history who will do the bidding of whoever holds the fairy crown.  Luke Goss was also the chief baddie in Blade 2, and he once again brings an unusual amount of sympathy to a vengeful character with serious daddy issues.

His twin sister Nuala (Anna Walton) disapproves of his genocidal streak and eventually teams up with the heroes.  She also leaves quite an impression on Abe Sapien (Doug Jones), the merman with psychic powers.  After his mostly thankless role in the last film, it's great to see Doug Jones build up Abe as more than a vessel for exposition.  His romance doesn't go far beyond fumbling and nervousness, but, in his defense, he's much better in the water.

New to the BPRD is Johann Krauss (Seth MacFarlane), an ethereal being who stomps around in a deep-sea diving suit and makes demands with a gruff, overwrought German accent.  He wants to keep the BPRD out of sight, but that's a useless directive when enormous forest elementals trample through Manhattan.  Del Toro gets some hilarious low comedy during a locker room scene where Krauss unwisely points out Hellboy's flaws.

If all that new stuff doesn't satisfy you, there's also the Troll Market, a giant rock statue, the aforementioned Angel of Death, a Chamberlain who's short on limbs but long on explanations.  The list goes on.  The film invents so much that one can either reject the unending imagination or embrace it.  I straddled for a while before caving in to the wonder of it all.  Del Toro's fantasy worlds are infinitely more interesting to me than the Orcs of Lord of the Rings.  They're closer in spirit to Star Wars and Harry Potter, where the only thing more lovable than the storytelling is the endless colorful detail tucked into every frame.

I wonder if Del Toro could've taken his ecological theme even further - the preservation of the Earth seems a moot point given what we know about Hellboy.  And I wish Selma Blair had more to do in this film, although I'm perfectly content to stare at those eyes.  But what am I talking about?  This film is a monster-mash, a visual feast to be admired as much as engaged.  From the tiny tooth fairies to the enormous elemental, Hellboy II leaves you full and satisfied.  You'll probably need a cool, smooth Tecate to wash it all down.