“The Cave” has a relatively unique setting in horror, which is the titular series of caves that house the evil mutant parasitic bat lizard people creatures.  However, it doesn’t have a unique villain, nor does it have unique characters.  The people in it stumble from one sequence to the next, occasionally losing a member, while the mutants gradually reveal themselves.

The creature design, by Patrick Tatopoulos, is a mess of the things we’ve seen in hundreds of horror movies before.  It’s another slimy, film-covered creature with no eyes, plenty of tentacles, and no real intelligence beyond its simple aggression.  Back when Alien did this in 1979, it felt original and tactile.  Here, it’s just another monster, a variation of one really tiring idea.

Placing it against these characters makes some sense, since they’re just as uninspired and dull.  They’re a crack team of extreme undersea explorers, all of whom are athletic and ripped, except for the girls, who are buxom.  They’ve been sent to the cave system to explore it, simply enough, and they’re led by Cole Hauser as . . . well . . . a character who’s pretty much Cole Hauser in a wetsuit.  As the movie progresses, the monsters get closer and closer, and, hell, why not, one person is even infected with a weird parasite.

The movie itself looks great – the underwater sequences were filmed in HD by professional divers, and the caves are elaborate and ornate soundstage sets.  The setting is so convincing that there are some scenes of genuine claustrophobia.  In some ways, it reminds me of a far, far better film, “Touching the Void,” which is a documentary about two rock climbers and one’s tragic fall into a crevasse.  I recommend that movie over this one, which lacks any genuine human interest.  Although there is a cool scene where a chick rappels like a pendulum to get away from the monsters.

THE FEATURES:

FILMMAKER’S COMMENTARY: Bruce Hunt leads the first commentary along with his producer, Andrew Mason, and visual effects producer James McQuade.  They talk about the usual boring things in all commentaries – the weather, how absolutely amazing everyone in the cast was, the constraints of the studio.  The only worthwhile thing about the commentary is the weird constant refrain of “Do you think this was clear enough?”  It happens during just about every important plot point.

WRITER’S COMMENTARY: Michael Steinberg and Tegan West talk about their original draft for most of the commentary, often pointing out how there was more to the story than what’s onscreen.  Most notably, that the monsters were originally much more humanoid.  They also mock the film’s PG-13 goals, especially during a key scene where Piper Perabo should be screaming something more direct than “freaking.”  They even devolve into MST3K banter that, while not hilarious, is funny and illustrates a sense of humor about the movie’s silliness.

“DESIGNING EVOLUTION”: This featurette has Patrick Tatopoulos (Tatty to his friends) walk us through his design for the monster.  It’s not all that special, mostly because the monster ultimately looks like the alien from Aliens, except with wings.  Also, the featurette lacks any real depth of imagination or significant journey from concept to final construction.

“INTO THE CAVE”: The surprise gem of the DVD.  “Into the Cave” discusses the involvement of cave divers Wes Skiles and Jill Heinerth, who discuss their passion for the ‘sport’ and their involvement in the film.  There’s loads of beautiful footage of underwater caves, and there’s one spectacular piece of footage from underneath an iceberg in Antarctica.  As that footage plays, Skiles waxes on about how it’s a driving force in his life (he’s lost fourteen friends to the ‘sport’), and Heinerth explores how the use of HD camerawork liberates the movie from the constraints of film.  This brief look into the lives of cave divers (or, as I call them, ‘crazy people’) has more human interest and more suspense than the whole of “The Cave.”

OVERALL:  “The Cave” as a DVD is bare-bones, and the movie is ultimately nothing special.  For those who are curious and will check it out anyway, I suggest watching the film with the writer’s commentary and then watching “Into the Cave,” then taking the DVD out of the player and putting in “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.” 

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